Capturing vs Experiencing

Lyman's Surf Break, Kona, HI

As I was recently editing some video from our month on the Big Island of Hawaii, I thought of all the experiences that I did not capture with video. It prompted me to consider the ever-present tension between my desire to capture an experience and the equally strong desire to fully engage in that experience.

As someone who likes to be an active participant in experiences, I am frequently faced with this rather complex dilemma. Do I bring the camera along? If so, which lenses should I take? And the tripod? Filters? Or, would I rather allow myself to fully experience whatever it is that I am about to do, unburdened by any of the concerns associated with capturing it?

The creator in me ALWAYS wants to bring the camera along because I never know when I’m going to encounter something unique, and of course I’ll want to capture and share it with others. However, the participant in me ALWAYS wants to enjoy the experience unencumbered by concern for camera gear or lighting or composition or shutter speeds, etc...

Capturing obviously entails the gathering and subsequent carrying of the necessary gear. Whether it’s simply a camera hanging from a strap around my neck or a full backpack of creative possibilities, the gear will make the activity at least a little less comfortable. Then, the concerns for the safety of whatever gear I’ve decided to bring along; Will the experience present the potential for damage or loss? If I lay the gear aside to momentarily engage with the experience, could someone steal it? If I'm with others, how will my decision impact their experience? These are some of the things I consider when choosing whether or not to capture an experience.

This inner imbroglio is magnified when others are involved in the experience. In these cases, there is a desire to share the experience with my companions. If I'm focused on capturing, then I'm not fully sharing the experience, especially with my tendency to hyper-focus. Perhaps less obviously, there is also a fear of detracting from the experience of others. Frequent stops along a hike, for instance, to grab a photo or video, swap lenses, dig out the drone and other such tasks can be annoying to companions who are not concerned with capturing the experience (though they typically appreciate having it captured after the fact). Even if this sense of detraction is only felt internally, the fear of it is nevertheless present for me.

So, I make the choices, even if I am uncertain that they are correct in the moment, and I try not to dwell in regret when those choices turn out to be less than ideal. Sometimes, I bring the gear and never take a single photo. Other times, I leave it all behind, and miss an opportunity to capture something special. In the end, as long as I'm alive, a missed opportunity is motivation to experience that thing again (if possible). I have to say that spending a month in a place drastically reduces the anxiety associated with these choices. Most of the time, when we're traveling, we're only experiencing a place one time before hurriedly moving on to the next in an attempt to squeeze it all in. That month spent on the Big Island of Hawaii afforded me the ability to revisit multiple places so I could actively experience them with others AND capture them without guilt. I think I would like to take this approach to travel more frequently in the future.

This photo from the surf break known as Lyman's in Kona was one location I visited multiple times. Some times, I went there to surf. Other times, like the time captured in this photo, I brought only my camera gear. For me, having had the participation experience there enhances the feeling I get when I view this photo. I would guess that no one thinks this particular photo is as beautiful as it is to me. This is something else I would like to repeat.

Am I the only one who struggles with this?